holiday cheer = 0

i desperately want holiday cheer. desperately.
 
i keep trying to cheer myself up.
 
i can't make it happen.
 
this year has been too hard.
 
it has been the year of sickness and sadness and lonliness. the year of failed goals. the year of… nothing.
 
zero to the first power. zero minus zero.
 
everything that got accomplished or built got unaccomplished or unbuilt.
 
the year of friendships dissolving. dying beyond any life that a stupid holiday card might bring.
 
therefore, it is with a heavy heart that i must say, "bah humbug."
 
…although.
 
i guess i would be completely remiss in leaving out eric, who, after working at the dirty store all day yesterday, came home humming the little drummer boy. it made me laugh until my face hurt. and we DID get engaged this year. eric is the contradiction to everything i posted here. he gets better and better, and our relationship gets stronger and stronger, while the things around us fall apart.
 
and my other friends, that did not dissolve and fall off the map and snub me and abandon me when i needed them the most. most of them don't live in this city, though.
 
and my new friends. ok, you got me. new friend. friend, singular. many good thoughts go out to the wonderful, wise, brilliant, creative, and witty ms. bizarro. the woman has a gift for opening chat windows at the perfect time, too.
 
ok, also. i have to be kind of happy because, somewhere, in my stupid, unmathly brain? i remembered that, although it sounds cool to say zero to the zero power, that actually equals one. WHY it equals one, i don't know and probably never will.
 
 
could someone point me to the nearest rock so that i can go crawl under it, please?
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One response to “holiday cheer = 0

  1. You had a lot of good in your life this year. I know you had a lot of bad, but dwelling on it will only amplify it. Eric is a treasure, and he alone should make up for anything bad that happened. Trust me. I know.And, hey! You got to see ME this year! ME!!! That makes up for EVERYTHING. 'Cause I'm that great. And it's been that long. And I even came to you, even though I had already come 1,200 miles. I didn't even make you come to see me. I drove a horrible rental car with power NOTHING and no cruise control from Buffalo to Ithaca just to see you and have Purity ice cream with you and look at waterfalls with you.So, there. And I'm the friend who manages to make everything and anything about her. So there. Again. Anyway, if you don't stop, I'm going to make you trade me Eric for Chris because Chris is also a humbug and I can't take it anymore.I love you, Aims. You know you can call me any time. Or hop on an airplane and visit. It's going to be in the 70s here on Christmas.

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