how was your halloween?

mine was boring …yet fun.

i may have pushed it a little bit, but i needed to spend energy on something that wasn’t my job, if you know what i mean.

i decorated the porch. i hung little orange lights that are supposed to resemble candy corns. i hung light-up blinking eyeballs. and then i collapsed into a heap.

my future mother-in-law and i ordered a pizza from papa john’s. oh, papa. when the delivery guy rang the doorbell, i answered the door with a giant bowl of candy.

he didn’t want any candy.

the goblins and munchkins and muppets and strawberry shortcakes wanted candy, though. they REALLY wanted candy.

we get so many trick-or-treaters that i can’t just let kids reach in and grab candy. we’d run out in half an hour. so instead, when i bought candy, i bought some chocolate, and some… uh… bootleg candy. tootsie rolls. gumballs. smarties. sweet tarts. laffy taffy. each kid got one piece of chocolate and one piece of bootleg candy.

there were two exceptions to my blanket candy rule.

1. babies who were too adorable and said “twick-ow-tweeet” or “happy haweeeeeeen!” or, even, “HAPPY BIRFDAAAY!” – some, while they were still pounding on the door. for these children, i lost all motor control, my hand became a giant claw, and i put about 37 reese’s cups in their tiny little bags.

2. teenagers. who stood there, with their bags open, gaping at my candy bowl. maybe even asking for a butterfinger. without saying trick or treat. these ungrateful little turds got one piece of bootleg candy, unless they were really well dressed and/or were good-natured when i forced them to say “trick-or-treat.”

it was pretty fun. the best costume i saw all night was a tiny little chubber of a toddler dressed in a homemade oscar the grouch ccostume. he was so adorable. i asked if he was oscar and he looked so sad as he nodded his chubby little green face (with giant googly eyes on his forehead!) and said, “uh-huuhhhhhh…”

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