ah-heh-hehhhmm

if only i knew how to type the sound that i am making on this fine fall wednesday. it’s kind of like the normal throat-clearing sound, only… bad. like i spent all night screaming at a bon jovi concert instead of actually sleeping.

i hate waking up with a sore throat. hate it. because, honestly? before i go to bed at night, i usually take a few moments to reflect upon the failures of the day that is ending and to psych myself up for the improvements that shall be forthcoming, i mean, i’ll get right on it, right after i drool on my pillow for 8 hours.

never mind the fact that by “failures of the day” i simply mean, “i’m too neurotic to get off my own case” and that one time, my mom told me that when you decide to be friends with someone then you decide to at least tolerate their annoying parts as well, and the parts that disappoint you, and if you can’t decide to do that then you should just end the friendship. and that has worked SO WELL for me in my life when it comes to other people but when it comes to me i am still like, “NUH-UHHH. girrrrl, no you di-int.”

largely, i think, because i didn’t CHOOSE to be friends with myself, and i’m kind of annoyed when people talk about being friends with yourself and loving yourself, because WHAT does that really mean? and if you don’t tell me the right way to do something, how are my neuroses going to be satisfied, or even know, when the task of “loving myself” is complete?

…wait. don’t answer that.

my point is, how am i supposed to succeed at abstract tasks? how am i supposed to realize that i am my friend? ugh. makes me throw up a little just to type it.

and, today, when i feel like someone stuck one of those giant old lady combs down my throat about 87 times… how do i get off my own case for not being able to improve upon yesterday?

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