tonight i sat and talked to eric’s mom for a long time. i told her about what my life was like when i used to work at The Factory and i used to do The Drugs. i told her the story of how i got from there to here. telling it, i couldn’t even believe i was talking about myself. it felt like i was lying, or making things up. but the truth is… the truth. it was that bad. it was that seedy.
before i had even told her the worst, she said, “wow. you are really a strong person.”
she thought i was a strong person. because i worked swing shifts and was so depressed by my life that i lived in a constantly evolving swirl of drugs and alcohol and the friends who could help me get it.
i always thought i was a coward. that i had taken the easy out by doing drugs. but she thought it was brilliant that i had found a way to cope, to bridge myself through the misery to the other side. that i just stopped doing drugs with no recovery program. that i just stopped smoking.that i am a happy person who just does what needs to get done.
and the other side? as it turns out, was completely worth the misery. i wouldn’t change any of it.