why i listen to my ipod on shuffle.

i have had an amazing life.
 
i may not get to do some of the things that other people have done (hello, a girl from my high school choir was just on grey's anatomy!). but i really have worked hard to have a life i could be proud of, a life i could look back on and truly say that, although i made mistakes, i don't carry a weight of regret in my present life for those mistakes.
 
it's true.
 
i was standing at the scanner at work yesterday, feeling like my soul was being slowly sucked from my body. i had a huge pile of things to scan. it's boring. and tedious. i had my ipod on shuffle, and it started: jewel. life uncommon.
 
i have always loved this song. there is something about the melody, the lyrics, and the dynamics that just …hits me.
 
but now, it means more.
 
in 2007, i think, i had a chance to see jewel play. FOR TEN DOLLARS. she was playing with a few country friends of hers. i thought it was going to be an "in-the-round" deal, where everyone played a few songs and we all went home. nope. jewel played for … 45 minutes? longer? she played all of my favorite old songs. she opened by singing "somewhere over the rainbow" – the best i have ever heard – acapella. she told anecdotes, and she was funny, and charming, and seemed genuine.
 
she yodeled.
 
and i was so close. SO close. i could see her face, every sparkle in her shirt, the hairs on her arms…everything. it was a small venue, 12th and porter. there were NO people standing in front of us, just a few tables between us and the stage.
 
i forgot to mention that i had, in a moment of sheer brilliance, bought 4 tickets. i figured i could easily find 3 other people who would want to see Jewel play. so I was there with my friends michelle, allie, and shelby.
 
and it was either "hands" or "life uncommon" … or it could have been both, i suppose… when allie looked at each other. we both had eyes full of tears, and we just looked at each other like, "i know."
 
and i have always felt like that was such a special moment. we are both storytellers. we are both more and less than we seem. we are both idealists, in a way. we both tie meaning to things and make sense of life in creative patches. i have always felt such a special bond with allie, and that moment just confirmed it. i treasure that moment.
 
and yesterday, standing at the scanner, feeling my soul click-click-click slowly away, i was instantly refreshed. i remembered how much fun i have had in my life. how many things i have gotten to do that other people have not. how many people i have met, and learned from, along this crazy path i call my life.
 
how much beauty i have seen.
 
and it all hits me sometimes, when the next song comes up on shuffle.
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