tired.

i’m tired of applying for jobs. i have applied for 16 jobs at one employer alone.

and i still work at The Dirty Store.

i’m tired of hearing that people in nashville “wonder how i am” or that they “miss me.” those words? that’s all they are. it really doesn’t mean much when i’m this far away and about two people even bother to check in on me once and awhile. it’s weird how many people said i meant so much to them and then… out of sight, out of touch… it’s a very lonely place to be.

i’m tired of the internet. i’m tired of this blog. i’m tired of the idea that strange people read what i’m musing. i’m also tired of the idea that non-strangers read it instead of taking the time to keep in touch.

i don’t think i have what it takes to keep it going.

it’s been fun though… right?

xo

amy

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “tired.

  1. Ugh.

    This is me.

    It’s my fault you’re feeling those things. I’m bad at making it count. I do everything that doesn’t count and none of the good stuff that does.

    Ugh.

    I don’t want you to be just memories.

    I’m still glad you moved, even though you work where you work. Even though you aren’t here to say goodbye at work when I finally have a going away lunch, which is going to be God knows when, geeze. I think there’s still some buried treasure to be found in your home there. Stuff that just wasn’t here.

    But my day to day is…you know…the way it was before you left–when I was complaining at work and then wandering off to my isolated existence in my house with my books and journals.

    I’ll be better. I love you.

  2. Michelle

    Wow.

    I’m sorry you feel this way. Truly. But it is possible that people do mean what they say. And that they care, even if they suck at showing it.

    It’s also true that the street runs both ways, and that some folks (such as myself) have emailed and not received a response. And called really wanting to talk and catch up only to be abruptly cut off. People like me who do miss you, think about you, wonder how your doing, but are not sure how to approach it given past experience.

    For what it’s worth, you’re presence is missed. You are loved. I hope we can all get past our crazy schedules and busy lifestyles to hear the sentiment as opposed to the words – to know that none of us express well enough our care and concern for one another, and will somehow do better to show it in the future.

    M

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