snow day

well, i guess it’s not really a snow day, since i don’t have to work anyway.

yesterday the snow melted and i shoveled the last of the ice and slush from the front porch at the cat-sitting house (by the way, i’m cat-sitting at the moment.)… and today there is a fresh coating of the white stuff everywhere. it looks beautiful, but wow. i need some sunshine that stays longer than a few hours over here. πŸ™‚

on the other hand, i have a lovely cup of kona in front of me. strong and hot. the house smells like bacon because i just cooked almost an entire package that will be part of breakfast for me and my boyfriend, if at some point he decides to wake up.

we both have the day off today so the plan is this: coffeecoffeecoffee, lay around like slugs, read some magazines, watch season two of “the wire”, and keep looking outside to see if it’s going to clear up by tonight. i can’t wait to get started on my big day of doing nothing.

in other news… it has been almost SEVEN MONTHS since i moved to new york. i can’t really believe that more than half a year has passed. sometimes i have a flash of something i did in nashville and it seems like a dream. the other day i remembered, very vividly, having eggs mcfido with allie one sunday after church. i remember tears, ketchup, words, and that mat kearney was there. i remember standing in the sun with jeremiah, linda, anthony, and megan eating popsicles outside of las paletas – taking pictures, a weird band, and walking up 12th ave south. i remember countless weekends crossing the street in hillsboro village, watching films at the belcourt, i remember the night i met sammy’s wife, the first time i saw rachel and chris together, and the fear i felt first time i went swing dancing.

i remember that in 2004 and 2005 i was scared out of my mind to be myself. in 2006 i knew i had to stop striving. in 2006 i remember that allie told me i had to speak out, that i had something important to say, and that i wasn’t going to fall through the ice. i remember that i had a meltdown at linda’s house one day when i barely even knew her. i told her that i hated my job, that i felt underappreciated and unfulfilled and (most of all) bored. i remember doing the same thing to michelle one day when she was sitting in my office. i remember my amazingly decorated dim office that let me get so much work done, and the subsequent soul-sucking cubicle and overhead lighting that made me want to shoot my own eye out.

i remember going to the IAM conference in new york city last february and feeling the stirrings of change. i knew that my discontentment was eventually going to break me free of my moorings. hearing daniel libeskind speak made my soul shake and tears stream down my face. the entire conference made me realize that i was living in a way that was contrary to most of the things i felt true passion for… i felt sheltered, frozen in time, locked in a pattern and largely unconnected to the human race.

it has been over a year since that conference, and i can’t believe how happy i am despite my circumsances (and by “circumstances” i mean the financial ruin that comes from working retail). the bottom line about my job is that it’s too much work for too little pay. but because of the job, i met the man of my dreams. i get to have coffee with ithaca many mornings a week. i talk to real people with real problems… some of whom don’t even have homes. i meet mentally challenged people who tell me it’s nice to see me at least five times, and really truly crazy people who list their prescriptions off and tell me about listening to the boss and U2 and buy 9 packs of cigarettes and 11 candy bars at a time.

not just that, but i am creating more here. i collaborate with my friends. right now i have a piece that i painted with my friend drew hanging on my bedroom wall. he has another piece at his house that we made with jacque, and it will probably be on display somewhere sometime this year. i am making my first ever blanket, a whole blanket that i crocheted with no help and no advice. i have a sewing machine on the desk in my room, just waiting for fabric. i am creating a cookbook album that is kind of like a recipe scrapbook. the ideas just keep coming, and i’m finally confident enough to try the things that matter to me.

deep sigh. i’m happy here. i’m actually happy, as in content, optimistic about the future, confident in my abilities, and at peace with who and where i am.

and now i am going to go lay around and eat bacon, drink coffee, and do nothing. πŸ™‚

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “snow day

  1. reading this made me happy…and jealous…wishing I could go lay around, eat bacon, and do nothing…(at least I get to drink coffee) πŸ™‚

  2. I remember so many things that you mentioned in here.

    Even your office! That used to be “YOUR” office. And now is…whoever else’s. That cubicle…my God, that cubicle! Amy of the office became this person hidden among cloth and metal walls somewhere, typing out things that would be filed away and never used again.

    So weird.

    I collaborate. Ok, so I don’t collaborate.

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