the fearful artist.

i’ve always been a fearful person when it comes to expressing myself artistically. i’m not sure exactly where the fear comes from, or what i’m actually afraid of – it’s just there. blank canvases and empty sheets of paper just taunt me. where are you going to start? what are you going to make? what if it doesn’t mean anything?

i think that’s my biggest fear – that i will put something on a canvas or a piece of paper and be appalled at what just came out of me.

about a year ago, i took a drawing class and a pastels class at the art house in nashville – and those classes were some of the most difficult pieces of my time in nashville. i was constantly nervous, constantly afraid of what would come out of me during any given class.

i have some friends who love to make art. when i spend time at their place they are always showing me their new pieces on the walls. the living room walls are positively littered with painted canvases and framed photographs. these friends love making art and then surrounding themselves with it.

last night i spent some time making art with these friends. we have painted together before – we did a collaborative piece back in june that is now taking up a wall of my bedroom. last night we made four new pieces, and it was phenomenal.

at one point, i was getting into a great groove with a fan brush and some blue and white paint. i had laid down next to the canvases so that i could really see what i was working on. my friend Q came in and said, “look at you. you look so happy and free – and you’re laying there like a mermaid.”

lo and behold, when i look at the piece we were working on at the time, it feels like an underwater scene. it’s so inviting and free, and i want to just walk right into it. at one point, when drew and i were painting at the same time, i said, “i’m there. i’m in there.” i had walked right in and i knew where i was and what had to happen next. that is a rare place for me to find with my creativity.

anyway, here is a shot of the stuff we did. it’s not the best picture, but it will do for now. we did everything but the small yellow and blue piece and the photo to the left.

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