so, i just got the email telling me that i did not get a job i had two interviews for in the past two weeks.
a couple of days ago, i got the call that another job i had two interviews for was going to put an ad in the paper (but, they definitely wanted to remind me, i was still under consideration…).
and to the job search, i say: i hate you. i hate screwing up all of my confidence and believing in myself as hard as i can for two hours straight and trying to come up with a strength and a fault and describe my work style and think of three things my best friend would say about me and talk about my dream job and rate myself as a user of excel and hear, “well your resume looks really good, are you sure you would be happy at this job? i mean, it’s making coffee and ordering office supplies, right along with the other duties.”
and really? i don’t care what kind of job i have. i like to work hard, i like to complete a variety of small tasks, i like to be able to be somewhat creative, i like to work as part of a team but also independently, i like to troubleshoot and problem-solve, and i love technology, google, the internet, computers, and no i am not a hunt-and-peck typer. i like having a boss and i like being a boss, i like clear directions and i like being thrown into the fire.
but what i don’t like is making just over minimum wage and not having health benefits, which is where my current trajectory has landed me. what i don’t like is people telling me i’m too qualified and somehow not qualified enough all in the same breath.
i am proud of my decisions, and i like my life in general. but right now i am fighting myself as i start to think that the decisions i have made have not been the right ones, the experience i have had is not the right experience, and i am, in general, just not enough.
not even enough to make coffee.
and that? that is something i can do really really well.