um

so has anyone actually thought about the fact that i am moving to a county that has one-sixth the population of the county in which i have lived for the past 3.5 years? a county that has a population of the entire city of nashville?

or that the town in which i will actually live has about 4000 residents?

this is a big change.

this is far from nashville. and far from buffalo before it. i haven’t lived in a small town since 2001.

i should be packing right now, but i am not. although i am a fabulous multi-tasker, i simply cannot pack and procrastinate at the same time. this means that i have spent the past two hours sitting on the floor of my bedroom next to the air mattress that i’m borrowing from my roommate because my bed went to new york on friday and oh yeah so did the rest of my furniture and now i am sitting around in my pajamas staring at piles of things that used to be on, around, and in the furniture that all went to new york via a uhaul trailer, a 4’x8′ uhaul trailer, and i am thinkig i should just throw it all away, i mean drive it over to goodwill, even though the trash chute is closer, and when i live in a town of 4000 i can just live off the land and start planting my own peas and corn and learn to hunt and fish and embrace any small bit of white trash “country” i have in me, even though that’s so not me, and will i even need a hairdryer? really? because in the winter it is too dry and in the summer it is too humid and so my hair, my awesome hair that my keri cuts for me every six to eight weeks? it will be meaningless in new york. in the winter it will click with static electricity and in the summer it will be matted down to my head.

and suddenly i am worried about living in the hills during the winter, and suddenly i am remembering how much i hated driving in the ice, and suddenly i am feeling afraid of living in new york. which is ridiculous, since i lived in new york for twenty-two years, and i know it’s just my resistance to change coming out in the only way it knows how – irrational fantasy. for example, by spring, i will be toothless and wearing a camouflage trucker hat and driving a truck with a gun rack. and maybe a nice rack from an 8-point. even though that is not who i am, even though it was never who i was, even when i DID live in a town of 5000 for, oh, my whole life.

so, to some, this may seem like a meltdown, but to those people i must say, “DO NOT WORRY” because evenutally i will stop feeling like i am about to throw up. and eventually i will realize that i don’t need to cut my hair off, i just need to find a different approach, i just need to adapt.

and that is the bottom line here, the lesson we can take away from this intentionally run-together post. adapt. i can adapt. i will move to a small town and i will find enjoyable things to occupy my time. i will finally learn to sew. i will buy a year long membership to the state parks and get back into hiking. i will go to the lake. i will get a membership to the Y and i will work out with my friends. i will keep my honda civic, and i might even get snow tires. i will buy more sweaters and probably even long johns. i will put an emergency kit and a blanket in my car. i will be just fine, if i take it one day at a time. i have friends and i have family there.

and i even know a guy who does hair.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “um

  1. and adapt we shall. you to a new town and me to a country i left 26 years ago.

    i think we’ll be just fine. *hug*

  2. LEPaek

    and…you can always start knitting again…whilst havin’ a spot of tea…and think lovely thoughts of fun adventures on 12th ave south with your sweet and sometimes crazy korean friend from L.A. who’s still left in nashville. =].

  3. Okay, my only advice is this, but listen up, cause this is important: NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO DO ANYTHING DRAMATIC WITH YOUR HAIR!!!

  4. I second the above comment. Take it from me. I was letting my hair grow out and after a melt down of some sort cut it all off. I should now be referred to as “Butch.”

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